Desperate Single Woman

Signs You Are a Desperate Single Woman

What is it about some single women over 35 that puts them in the "desperate" category? What makes them "desperate"? And why are they "desperate"? And what exactly is it they are "desperate" for?

Some time ago, I watched the movie Young Adult, starring Charlize Theron. It was a pretty good movie, and I am surprised that it didn't get as much publicity as it should have. I suppose the subject matter was too disturbing for some women, and men didn't really care much about it. Young Adult is about a single thirty-something woman, Mavis Gary, who writes teen novels. When we are introduced to Mavis, she is in some kind of mid-life crisis - her book series is about to be canceled, she has to deal with writer's block as she struggles to complete her very last book for her series, and she receives notice that her former boyfriend has just had a baby with his wife. That last bit of news about her boyfriend throws her into a frantic attempt to woo back her former boyfriend - believing that he was the right one she had let go of all those years ago. She rushes back to her small hometown to see the baby, but in reality she goes back home to get back her former boyfriend.

Mavis Gary is certainly pretty (how can she - when she is all put together that is, with the make-up and the hair coiffed. But we also get to see her in her real state when there is no one around (no one that matters to her anyway) to see - she is a drunk, she is depressed, and she is a messed up slob. 

Poor Mavis tries her best to seduce her former boyfriend, but fails miserably and ends up being viewed with pity from almost everyone back home, including her own parents. Just when she is faced with the bitter truth about her sad self, she convinces herself (with help from a poorly deluded friend) that she is just fine the way she is, and that everyone else basically sucks. And she quickly rushes out of the small hometown back to her life in the city - back to be the thirty something single woman living in a small high-rise condo by herself, with a dog as a companion.

This past weekend, I was suddenly reminded of this Young Adult movie. I just realized that I had a Mavis Gary in my own life, and she had been transforming into one for the past few years without my realizing it!

Signs I had Mavis Gary as a Friend 

The Single Desperate Woman

First, all the talk was slowly geared towards men and dating. And all the trials that came with it. Before long as a result of her talk, I truly wondered if all the single men out there were suddenly scumbags, or if she just had a knack for attracting only the scumbags (I wouldn't know much about the dating world as I don't date, or don't need to, and haven't had to in almost a decade!).

Second, she cut off all her hair and experimented with all sorts of hairstyles. Heading towards 40 meant dealing with the never-ending sprouting of gray hairs. So shorter hair was easier to deal with.

Third, the hemlines became shorter. More skin was exposed even in the dead of winter. Once when we met up for lunch during winter, she turned up in a skin-tight skirt that had a back zipper that went up from top to bottom of the entire skirt, paired with a sparkly top and high heel shoes that she could not walk straight in. Err, it's an afternoon lunch we're doing, not heading to a sleazy night club. How do you tell someone that they are dressing like a hooker without being mean?! Seriously. There is a clear line between sexy and trashy - but the Mavis Garys of the world do not seem to realize it.

Fourth, she enrolled in a gym and began to exercise. This was a good thing. But suddenly, she became an expert over me on all things related to exercise - me, who has been exercising since my college days?!

Fifth, she took pride in being asked out on dates by blue collar folks she ran across in the streets - like cab drivers, gas attendants and mechanics. There is nothing wrong here, but she has zero intention or interest in dating someone who is in a blue collar job. But nevertheless takes pride in the attention, and brags about it.

Sixth, she dates people who are sometimes young enough to be my baby brother. This is obvious to everyone else, but her. And she realizes it too late that they guys had lied about their age. For one reason, I suppose.

Seventh, she got a permanent tattoo.

Enough said!

If she ever tries to go back to her one of her many former boyfriends, I'm just going to have to sit her down and break the truth to her - that she has obviously turned into a single desperate woman without realizing it. Sigh.
 

The Thanksgiving Day Phenomenon

Is Thanksgiving Day a World Holiday?

It is that time of the year again in the US - the annual Thanksgiving long weekend. Thanksgiving in the US falls on the fourth Thursday in November, and is a federal holiday. Friday is effectively a holiday too for most people (most definitely a holiday for schools and universities). So it's four blissful days of hanging out with the family and friends, eating too much, and shopping (the bargain on Black Friday is hard to resist). So it's a pretty big deal in the US, if only, by virtue of those four days of rest from one's daily life.

But I am greatly nonplussed at how big it has become in other countries! Upon logging into my Facebook account, no less than five Singaporeans (at 9 am Singapore time) had already wished their friends happy thanksgiving and giving thanks for this and that in their lives.

What??

People living in Singapore in the 80s and 90s were amply exposed to Thanksgiving through the media. I still remember all those American holiday movies that would be screened on Channel 5 in November and December (I always looked forward to those because of the winter scenes). And yeah, traditional American thanksgiving (along with the huge turkey) celebrations were often featured on many of these movies. But I do not recall any of us Singaporeans actually celebrating this holiday, as the Americans did. I never once wished my fellow Singaporean a Happy Thanksgiving on the fourth Thursday on November! Well, not until I came to live in US at least.

So where is this coming from? Globalization of culture?

This McDonaldization of culture is a bit sad.

How many Singaporeans actually know of the origins of Thanksgiving? That it is essentially a harvest festival? Are they aware that Thanksgiving is also celebrated in Canada (second Monday of October) and in some places in Europe?

Interestingly, there are harvest festivals that are celebrated in Singapore itself - such as Onam and Pongal (by some ethnic groups within the South Indian community) that most Singaporeans are clueless about.

Now isn't that a shame?

Vegetarian Thanksgiving Dinner

A Vegetarian Thanksgiving Dinner

When in Rome do as the Romans do. So I will be celebrating Thanksgiving, along with 300 million of Americans. Only my household will be one of the minority who will not be partaking of the traditional turkey Thanksgiving dinner. Instead, we will be having a vegetarian Thanksgiving dinner.

What's on the menu:

Soy-based turkey and gravy
Wild rice with mushrooms and sage
Spiced cranberry sauce
Spiced sweet potatoes
Mashed potatoes
Green Beans with Almonds and Thyme
Brussels Sprouts
Baked winter squash
Green apple pecan salad
Pumpkin pie

Happy Thanksgiving

This Thanksgiving, Bob Marley says it all for me!

Thank you Lord!




Thank you, Lord, for what you've done for me.
Thank you, Lord, for what you're doing now.
Thank you, Lord, for ev'ry little thing.
Thank you, Lord, for you made me sing.

Say I'm in no competition,
But I made my decision.
You can keep your opinion.
I'm just calling on the wise man's communion.

Thank you, Lord, for what you've done for me.
Thank you, Lord, for what you're doing now.
Thank you, Lord, for ev'ry little thing.
Thank you, Lord, for you made me sing.

Sing along, sing along.

I don't fear their humiliation,
Just to prove my determination.
I don't yield to temptation,
I haven't learn't my lesson in Revelation.

Thank you, Lord, for what you've done for me.
Thank you, Lord, for what you're doing now.
Thank you, Lord, for ev'ry little thing.
Thank you, Lord, for you made me sing.

Sing along, sing along.

Say I'm in no competition
But I made my decision,
Lord, in my simple way.
Comin', comin', comin', comin'.
I love to pray.

Thank you, Lord, for what you've done for me.
Thank you, Lord, for what you're doing now.
Thank you, Lord, for ev'ry little thing.

source: http://www.lyricsondemand.com/b/bobmarleylyrics/thankyoulordlyrics.html

Andy Boyle #BurgerKingBreakup

On Monday, a web developer with the Boston Globe, Andy Boyle (in picture on the left), live-tweeted a young married couple arguing loudly in a Boston Burger King location. He had suggested that the couple were on the verge of a break-up.

His account of the argument (complete with quotes, pictures and videos) was very quickly picked up by his followers, and spread like bush-fire. It wasn't long before the press, both local and international, got wind of it.

The account of the fight - which he called tongue-in-cheek "a study in marriage disintegration, with anthropological data collected in the field" is definitely an amusing read. Check out Andy Boyle's tweets below (note some the links to pictures he took of the couple have been deleted (presumably he had deleted the pictures himself after some people had questioned the ethics of publicizing the argument).

The Burger King Fight: a study in marriage disintegration, with anthropological data collected in the field

A study in marriage disintegration, with anthropological data collected in the field by Andy M. Boyle on Nov. 7, 2011. Location: A restaurant.

I am listening to a marriage disintegrate at a table next to me in this restaurant. Aaron Sorkin couldn't write this any better.
Andy Boyle

These kids must be 21, tops. His main complaint? She doesn't clean the dishes when his mom asks her to.
Andy Boyle

She is sobbing quite loud. He gets up and walks out. She stays. We all feel quite awkward. Do we console her? No one does anything.
Andy Boyle

He is back. She is telling him she didn't cheat. He doesn't believe her. He says he loves her anyway. He sits. We are more calm.
Andy Boyle

Another unrelated couple, who has been giving me the "can you believe this?" look, is hugging each other in response to this drama.
Andy Boyle

"Baby," he says. "I only say these things because I want you to be a better wife." The restaurant does not believe him.
Andy Boyle

She thinks it is unfair that he gets to play video games and she has to clean when "his mother" tells her. We agree.
Andy Boyle

"If you loved me," he says, "you would want me to be happy." We notice his argument is not swaying her.
Andy Boyle

"I don't want to hear it!" she shouts. The tables are turned: She is now accusing him of lying, of what we do not know.
Andy Boyle

"Why did you even marry me?" he asks. "Because I loved you," she responds. "Loved me?" We all notice the past tense.
Andy Boyle

The couple. t.co/RE1icmra
Andy Boyle

Apparently they both think the other cheated because of missed phone calls on occasion. It must be noted he has a speech impediment.
Andy Boyle

"A big lie and a small lie are the same thing," he says. "And I told you not to lie!"
Andy Boyle

I have no clue if you can hear this, but here's a snippet: t.co/EFDXL0e3
Andy Boyle

"I am a gentleman," he says. She stands up at his audacity and states out the window. Someone's phone on speaker is blocking their chat.
Andy Boyle

"Go!" she says. "Run away like a scared little boy!" He continues sitting, eating his fries.
Andy Boyle

She has moved to another table, still facing him. t.co/HtEjbZLf
Andy Boyle

"Let's go outside," she says. "Why? Let's do this here. Everyone needs to know what kind of a wife you are."
Andy Boyle

He is now critiquing how she dressed at a party recently. "I like dressing like that," she says. "I get to decide how you dress," he says.
Andy Boyle

He is now swearing a lot, mentioning something about cutting his hand in the dishwasher (?) and that's why he shouldn't clean dishes.
Andy Boyle

"It was only one time!" he admits. "I only did one time, too!" she says. "That doesn't make us even."
Andy Boyle

"You want to bring up the slap? I'll bring up everything. It wasn't a punch. If it was, I would've left," he says.
Andy Boyle

Just so those are aware, he is not being physically imposing or threatening violence. I would call the cops if that was the case.
Andy Boyle

They are now speaking too quiet for me to hear as U2's "Beautiful Day" plays. Seriously. t.co/tbCAhYpQ
Andy Boyle

"It's kind of weird having to talk to you about this here," she says. He laughs. She sort of laughs.
Andy Boyle

"I understand that some of this is on me," he says. People at a nearby table actively laugh after this.
Andy Boyle

He brings up something about having a baby. She runs out. He empties the tray and follows.
Andy Boyle

She comes back in. She apologizes. He shrugs. They walk into the vestibule and he sorta hugs her. They depart.
Andy Boyle

Their chair is now empty, just like the love in their marriage. With this, I depart. t.co/CabYK1HQ
Andy Boyle

You do not have to be a celebrity, it seems, to have people want to read about you. But it is unsurprising that this has gotten the publicity it has. We have been watching lives of average Joes and Janes on reality shows for nearly a decade now (The Bachelor, The Biggest Loser, Wife Swap, Supernanny and so on) - and our appetite for reality insights have been whetted. It is precisely that they are average folks that we are so curious about how they would handle everyday life events, which is what this Burger King argument exactly was. In all likelihood, if the media does manage to track down the couple, they'd merely tell us that it was just one of those moments - and that they're back together again.

Of course, it can be argued that the folks on reality shows have given voluntarily consent to be on the media for public viewing. We can debate the ethics of this to ad nauseam. But why bother? Thing is, we had just better be prepared for more of such incidences.

Privacy-conscious folks, be warned that the inane (and at times melodramatic) arguments that you have with with your spouse, child or friend outside of your home is all fair game. They're all watching you!

Why can’t a Muslim Woman Marry a non-Muslim Man?

I have not been able to write in a while, but I had no idea that it has been this long! My last posts was way back in January. Anyhow, hopefully I will start blogging again.

Here are some quick thoughts I had; thought I'd pen them down in this blog before I lost my motivation to write, which has happened rather frequently the past few months.

Islam's Prohibition of Muslim Women Marrying Non-Muslim Men

A friend had called and told me that an interesting topic on Muslim women was being debated on the BBC show - The Doha Debates. I only managed to catch the last 20 mins of the debate - should Muslim women be allowed to marry non-Muslim men - but it was sufficient for me to get at gist of the topic. At the end, over 60% of the audience voted that Muslim women should be allowed to marry non-Muslim men. It was not defined exactly what "allowed" translated into - but I imagine it entailed broad societal acceptance.

I would sure like to know the exact make-up of the audience - it appeared to me from the audience speakers that there were quite a bit of young Muslim people (both men and women from various countries) so the high percentage was notable.

Towards the end of the debate, a Muslim girl from the audience very eloquently explained why Muslim women, who have been raised in Muslim households and educated, are intelligent enough, and should be trusted to make the right decision without facing any opposition from their families. It all sounded very positive.

Only this fact still remained: a Muslim woman who was raised and educated in a Muslim household, would also know very well that no less than the Quran (2:221) states that believing Muslim women should not marry non-Muslim men until the men become believers (Muslims) themselves - ie. belief in the Oneness of God and the message of the Prophet.

One of the minimum requirements of Muslim belief is the acceptance of the Quran - words of God. Surely, these individual(s) based on their own desiresdo not want Muslim society to be forced to alter the word of God? How presumptuous? But that is exactly what is happening all around, on a variety of issues from drinking of alcohol to homosexuality. All of it in an effort to be humanistic, and all-accepting. As if one cannot be that while still retaining to your concept of the truth. People who do not practice the religion, but vehemently claim the label for themselves do nothing but corrode the essence of relgion.

This isn't about being too rigid, or old-fashioned. It is simply this - if one chooses to be a Muslim, to have conscious acceptance, then one also has the responsibility to accept and try to live a life based on its dictates. Not every believing Muslim would be unfailing in this endeavour - I am no exception - but at least believing Muslims should have the decency to not force or demand that a wrong (religiously speaking) be turned into a right to bolster one's individual divergent choice.

Not every single individual act needs the seal of approval from the larger society. If approval is needed, seek it elsewhere where it is to be found.

An interesting article by one of the speakers at the debate: Yasir Qadhi

Viva La Vida | Live the Life

Another weekend has passed. And tomorrow the work week begins - five more days of absolute mind-numbing drudgery.

The odd thing is, all of this occurs in an "intellectual" environment. Thr process of generating intellectual ideas and thoughts, though can be tedious,and at times (lately, more often than not), creatively stifling.

This is a problem for free-spirited individuals like myself. If I were given a choice, I would spend my days dreaming up of stories, and then writing them down. Sadly, I have not done that in years.

I have to work to earn a living - and I cannot afford to stay home and write, in the off chance that I might actually earn a living out of it.

My compromise has been to sneak a few hours off my "intellectual" work during the work week, to work on my creative stuff.

Believe me, it is not an easy process. There are days when it is impossible to switch roles. I find myself staring at the computer unable to put down in words my thoughts.

Then I say I'll do it later. The usual cop-out.

But later never comes, so I never do get around to it.

Before I know it, days have passed, then weeks and months.

How much longer will I keep telling myself, later?

I feel a deep sense of restlessness.

I ardently wish I could just take off to a remote island, where I can focus on myself and my dreams.

It is difficult to do that with people and responsibilities milling around you.

But this life is the only one I have got. I will not be able to retrieve the time I have let go so carelessly. I just have to live life the way I want to live life.

I have to stop thinking about the how, the why and the way. Just live.

Now. Today. This very minute.

Global Financial Crisis and Its Effects in Asia

Panic Attack As Investors Sell Off Shares at Any Price

Hell in Asia - Panic Attack As Investors Sell Off Shares at Any Price. This was the headline in the Straits Times that I woke up to on Thursday morning. The previous day's trading amounted to a sell-off in Asian markets, despite the coordinated rate cuts in the US, Europe and China. Herd mentality had set in - fearful retail investors (the bag holders mainly) rushed to stem their losses. So while the headline might have been shocking to those not following the financial news, the sell-off reaction in Asia was actually anticipated and in accordance to technical analysis.

When the newspapers start their massive moanings, and everyone is talking about the stockmarket, then expect there to be a rebounding in the markets. It will happen in the US first, then followed by the Asian markets (which will react accordingly as they usually do).

Now having said that (savvy traders actually trade in the up and down swings of the market, and make money doing so) , this financial crisis (mainly the problem with the availibility of credit for economic sustenance and growth) is not something that will easily be sorted out.

Small businesses will suffer because of the slowdown in consumer spending. Americans caught up in debt, are not likely to spur the economy any longer by buying items they do not really need - be it furniture to plasma tvs. Asian imports will decline, and their profits will decline leading to a slowdown in Asia. Asian jobs will be lost, and smaller business will find it harder to expand as credit have all dried up. No jobs, no income, no buying power....See where that leads to....

But some people are actually hoping that the markets will go down futher, so they can do bottom-fishing - that is, buying up expensive items, such as property or formerly high priced stocks at low prices. One writer from the Today newspaper quipped that she wants "a sharp enough drop so that her dreams are within reach". She called this a "slight correction". She also wrote that she felt no sympathy for those hit by the credit crunch because they are the ones who had earned loads of money for taking risks with other people's money. In her opinion, it's fitting that they pay the price.

Ok, she may be able to bottom-fish for property (in certain sectors). If I had more money, I would be buying into property too. And hold it for long-term, and forget about double digit growth that we got used to in the 90s. And definitely forget about bottom-fishing stocks unless one really knows how to read the fundamentals of a company. Too often people buy stocks on the way down, thinking they are getting a deal, and those companies never recover, and the investors who bought the stocks at a seemingly bargain price are left holding an empty bag.

But never mind all of that, let's go back to the Today writer. She chooses to avoid the bigger picture, which is far more dire. A protracted financial downturn will affect everyone - we saw a prelude just months ago with oil and rice price increases, and the effect it had on the poorer people in this world.

The hedge fund managers, bankers and the rich (those people the Today writer was scoffing at) will manage somehow. The rest of us will also manage by tightening our belts and reducing our spending. We will make different lifestyle choices - eat in, instead of out at a fancy restaurant; shop only when necessary; drive less etc.

But it's a different story for the poor who are already struggling to make ends meet. Increases in food prices can literally make a difference between life and death.

It's those people I am thinking about. And that's why I hope there is NO sharp drop that shakes the markets. A sharp drop is not a slight correction. When there was a sharp drop in 1929, it started the Great Depression, which lasted for years leading to misery for many people. The global consequences of such a drop would have far-reaching adverse impact given the connectivity of our economies today.

Would you want that to happen just so your dreams are within reach? Shame on that Today writer for such irresponsible hopes.

Women, Vanity and Cosmetic Enhancements

Botox, Dermal Fillers, Chemical Peels Etc

Women are vain creatures. It is a stereotype that some women may oppose vehemently, but a statement that hold true for many people in general. I am one such woman. I do not have perfect flawless skin, which I so ardently wish for.



As soon as I reached that age when looks began to play an important part of my social life (that is, the teenage years), I looked for solutions to imperfection in my facial skin. I endured numerous painful sessions at spas, where my facial skin was picked clean of impurities (acne). I endured it all, believing in the words of those inflicting the pain - that my face would soon clear up. But this only led to injuries (read scars) in my skin.

Many years later, after the acne cleared up, with multiple vists to this and that dermatologists, age began pulling my facial skin down leading to the dreaded nasolabial line (unwanted "parentheses" on the face).

A small poll amongst my friends have shown that the perception of what constitutes as perfection is really dependent on one's self. Maybe even related to one's self-esteem.

For instance, one friend insisted she needed further cosmetic procedures done to even out her skin tone, and flatten the scar damage from acne flare-ups years ago. But to the rest of us, she looked fine.

But I can understand why she would feel the need to continue the procedures, having been through years of battle with acne myself. It is partly healing (emotionally) to undergo procedures because it keeps the hope alive that at the end of it, you come out looking better. So the more procedures, the more better you end up looking. So even if the visible improvements are small, the emotional improvements are huge!

The group of us are not yet into Botox - I think we are not in the right age group yet. But we have tried TCA chemical peels, microdermabrasion, and now....

Dermal Fillers is the next new cosmetic enhancement we would like to try.

This is what I found out about dermal fillers:

"When we age, we lose firmess (through fat loss) in our skin; this leads us to have a droopy effect. In the face, we get those "parentheses" around the naso-labial area. The skin loses stucture and volume, forming lines and wrinkles.

Juverderm corrects this by injecting materials called "demal fillers" into the skin, to achieve a temporary effect on smoothness. The dermal filler used in Juvederm is called hyaluronic acid (HA).

HA is a natural complex sugar found in all living cells, and one of the major components of the skin tissue. HA retains water and hydrates the skin to increase volume and density.

Since Juvederm uses a naturally occuuring substance that is already present in the skin, this is a safe procedure that has no advserse long-term effects. The benefits from the procedure though are temporary, lasting anywhere from 6 months to a year".

Sounds good to me. Who's up first, gals?

Home Alone on a Rainy Day

At Home On A Rainy Day

I am a homebody. I can entertain myself at home alone with absolutely no problem. I think this charecteristic of mine developed from my years of living abroad and by myself. I had roomates during the early years, but as I got older, I got my own apartment. And that has been my lifestyle eversince.

I cannot envision my having to share my beautiful apartment with someone else. I mean, a someone else that I cannot order around. Heh. My family, or future significant other is a different issue.

I know women who need to have people around them all the time. Some cannot sleep in empty apartments, if they are all alone. I just cannot fathom living a life in their shoes. It must get awfully scary because no one can be with people all the time. There will always be situations when you will find yourself alone.

I think such people are afraid of themselves more than anything else.

I am not saying that one should not need others. Rather I believe that if you are comfortable with yourself, you'll always find things to occupy your mind when you find yourself alone. So that you are, in fact, keeping yourself company.

So I am at home alone today. I have been so used to living by myself for years, that it has taken some getting used to being in a house full of people (my family). So today, I am quite relishing being by myself. Watching the heavy rain fall from my window.

There is nothing quite like rain in Singapore. I have just come from the East Coast of the US, and it never ever rains the way it does here. I just love the rumbling thunder, the occasional lighting, and the heavy relentless rain. Then that earthy smell, most noticeable in the air as the rain dies out.

Of course, this is best experienced on a leisurely day at home, just where I am today!

This led me to remember Surah Ash-Shams (The Sun) from the Quran. I came across this when I was reading the Quran during Ramadan (the month that has just passed). Order and proportion in the world, order and proportion even in our soul. And if we cannot see or feel the order in our soul, that must mean we are failing in someway - that our souls are not as purified as it should be.

This worldly muslimah thinks that the soul does become tainted when forced to tackle so many of life's issues. I am not talking merely of sins. But the usual hustle and bustle of life - rushing to work, worrying about paying bills on time, taking care of loved ones etc. All of these occupy our energies, and sometimes we forget to tend to our souls. And this makes it get darker (tainted). But the Quran says that it is important to purify the soul, that means we should give it time, that is, time to ourselves that we can spend on reflection, studying the Quran and remembrance of the frailty of life in this world. Only then, the Quran says, will we truly succeed.


By the Sun and his (glorious) splendour;
By the Moon as she follows him;
By the Day as it shows up (the Sun's) glory;
By the Night as it conceals it;
By the Firmament and its (wonderful) structure;
By the Earth and its (wide) expanse:
By the Soul, and the proportion and order given to it;
And its enlightenment as to its wrong and its right;-
Truly he succeeds that purifies it,
And he fails that corrupts it!
(Quran 91:1-10)