The odd thing is, all of this occurs in an "intellectual" environment. Thr process of generating intellectual ideas and thoughts, though can be tedious,and at times (lately, more often than not), creatively stifling.
This is a problem for free-spirited individuals like myself. If I were given a choice, I would spend my days dreaming up of stories, and then writing them down. Sadly, I have not done that in years.
I have to work to earn a living - and I cannot afford to stay home and write, in the off chance that I might actually earn a living out of it.
My compromise has been to sneak a few hours off my "intellectual" work during the work week, to work on my creative stuff.
Believe me, it is not an easy process. There are days when it is impossible to switch roles. I find myself staring at the computer unable to put down in words my thoughts.
Then I say I'll do it later. The usual cop-out.
But later never comes, so I never do get around to it.
Before I know it, days have passed, then weeks and months.
How much longer will I keep telling myself, later?
I feel a deep sense of restlessness.
I ardently wish I could just take off to a remote island, where I can focus on myself and my dreams.
It is difficult to do that with people and responsibilities milling around you.
But this life is the only one I have got. I will not be able to retrieve the time I have let go so carelessly. I just have to live life the way I want to live life.
I have to stop thinking about the how, the why and the way. Just live.
Now. Today. This very minute.
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